Friday, December 10, 2010

Next Semester....Por Favor :P

Another semester has gone by so quickly once again. The days of my Blackberry screeching its alarm at 6AM are absent for the time being! It was an interesting experience to live in the school dormitory for a change versus commuting to my classes. The last time I stayed in a dorm was in Job Corps and that was almost over a decade ago!

Grades haven't posted yet but wish me luck!!!

I have a little over a month off of school then it's time to get back to books again. For now I'm just going to chill out and take care of things I could not get to while in school. I really worked my heinee off so if I get a 4.0 then I don't know how I should reward myself.... I've been wanting a smaller laptop but reasonable side of me says the current one will suffice. It's a 14' widescreen laptop and I love it but I've been looking at a 12' widescreen version of what I have and it's definitely appealing. It would also be easier to lug around w/20lbs of Science books!

Here's a tune that I'm going to throw in just it! Have a great night :)

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Net Ionic equations....filtering stuffs

They say that "no pain no gain" is a prerequisite to success.

Wonder if that person took 16 credit hours? School has been great so far and the rewards for working hard make for some warm fuzzy feelings. I have a great set of friends whom I never would have thought I'd get along with. It's definitely different this time around as the kids are in a stage of life where they are away from home. I remember those days and it's definitely strange being the adult this time around.

The classes are pretty easy but Chemistry is something that I will have to work at. The concepts are straightforward but wait! I have Anatomy to study for also...oh and a speech to prepare for! You get the picture. I saw my Doc yesterday and he commended me on my workload and how motivated I was. I was thinking just a couple more months and I'll have a degree- and hopefully have time for a much needed break!

I have four more classes left in order to graduate. Those classes are three science classes and a public health class. I also will take my Statistics class in the summer although a classmate basically told me I was crazy for doing that. Apparently it's a difficult class and would be even more so if crammed into a summer session. If...If I can get through this next semester with at least a B average then Statistics will be a piece of cake :)

If anyone reads this send me a word of encouragement sometimes for real! It might seem insignificant but an "out of the blue" message like that just might come at a time I need it!

Friday, August 6, 2010

I'm done with my summer session. I get 2 1/2 weeks off which I plan to spend doing minimal things!

I'm hoping that I have a degree by next summer... depends on how much I bust ass this fall and spring! It's a familiar yet old experience that I feel upon returning to the main campus this fall. I had attended this school way way way back... i'm not going to say when b/c I'm sensitive about my age these days >_< Anyhow I've changed... hopefully for the better. I did not take school seriously back then and dropped out with bad grades. Now I have good grades and have pretty much done a 180. I'm pleased with that and believe me when I say it wasn't easy! Just unbelievable amounts of reading, researching, writing, and studying. I was saying school is my full-time job and I stand by that saying! I've gone through some very traumatic things in the past and have been dealing the best way I can with those memories. Sometimes they render me powerless. Sometimes I'm okay. I'm just hoping that these memories don't interfere when I move to University and start a new experience with a different type of academic environment. I know for sure it'll be tough and people will look at this small-town girl and think I'm a Clampett :P This evening and some other evenings I miss the old days. I remember how I used to feel before all the events that changed my life happened to me. I was pretty much fearless. I didn't get scared. I wasn't so indecisive and worried about what other people thought about me. I almost feel like I'm lucky to count how many people I would consider friends on one hand. I feel alone. When I was out partying and hanging out I had guy friends who meant a lot to me over time. One guy in particular would stand up for me and helped me out once in a while. He's gone now due to violence. I sometimes will think of him and remember the time he showed up out of nowhere and saved me from an unsavory situation. I always feel such a tremendous amount of love for him and regret not being there when he was taken. I know it's not my fault but that what if... comes into my mind and I feel like if I had been in the area maybe he would have been with my friends and I instead of that place where he was taken. I can't even say the word k****d because it hurts to even think about it.

I don't know. I think of how my life was back then and how it is now. I just thank my lucky stars I made it out of there alive.

Kinda a venting blog. Rambling too. I just feel I need to do it sometimes. Anyhoo I'm out. I'm going to finish checking on my favorite sites and then finish watching a bit of a potty humor kind of movie to take my mind off things. Have a good night or day wherever you are. I miss you B!

Monday, July 5, 2010

Cellular None- in Rezzie Land

I am the proud owner of a new-to-me Blackberry 8900.

It is TMobile branded and works with a SIM card. I was very excited in my purchase of this device and was thinking what great ways I could use this as it has a built-in keyboard. Texting and writing covert notes to my classmates came to mind! Little did I know that the signal was crap out here!

In my neck of the desert Cellular One is the owner of every cotton-pickin' cell phone tower out here!

What does this mean??? It means that they have authority over which company they will allow to piggy-back off their towers! My coverage just stinks! For those of you who aren't familiar with the Navajo reservation Cellular One seems to have been picked as the sole cellular provider out here on the reservation. My gripe is I don't want to use Cellular One. I would prefer to have variety and a choice in what cell company I can use in the comfort of my own home! I feel shady politics has a lot to do with giving this cell company such a stranglehold on the cell phone consumer out here.

I'm only keeping the Blackberry for future investment. I should have my AS degree by next May so I'm planning on going on to University in a nearby city. I know they have coverage out there so I'll be keeping it for that. What burns me up is the fact that despite living in a democracy there are no plans in our tribal future to allow more cell companies to set up antennas here. I've looked through the Cellular One website and from what I can tell they don't have any Blackberries there. I see a Nokia E75 and Samsung Jack but I don't have the funds to buy another phone... nor do I want to start a plan!

For other reservation people who may think of getting a WIFI-capable Tmobile Blackberry. There is the ability to run off a service called UMA. This will allow your phone to create an Tmobile connection with your existing WIFI router and allow you to use your phone to make calls, text, etc. That's fine and dandy until you decide to walk about 100 ft away from the router and suddenly you realize your phone has you under house arrest!!!

Come back near the router! You aren't allowed any further!!!

Needless to say I'm disappointed and will leave a message for the Tribal President and Speaker of the Tribe tomorrow regarding the lackluster cell coverage out here!

I'll be here for anyone who has questions on my sitch or is just flabbergasted on the chintzy cell phone state of affairs out here!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

a little rant... um actually a big one

I feel it is someone's duty to inform everyone that MTF transgender come in all shapes, sizes, and mannerisms. Like all girls some of us might have a tad bit of tomboyishness and others might conform to the stereotypes that we do not know what a hammer is and all like the color pink!

The path to reconcile how I feel inside and what the body I'm in is a fucking difficult task! Just like everyone else I have days that I'm bulletproof and other days my hormones are not quite balanced that cause me to cry at the smallest provocation.

Some days I am dismayed when I am called a sir or have someone I know refer to me as a man. That literally just sends daggers into my spirit and I feel myself bleeding to death.

It does get that way sometimes.

My dream is to get my SRS and align how I feel with the vessel I am experiencing this life in. I cannot think of any other way to express the horror I feel when I have to wake up everyday and know that I'm in this body. I don't want to be a f*n princess. I am not girly girly and feel I can make shit happen for myself. That's where I'm at mentally! I like messing around with computers and like science. Does that make it right to place value judgments on me?! I know plenty of uterus-equipped women that like to rumble and tumble with the boys and hold non-traditional jobs that some women would crumble under. Does that make them less woman or not a woman?

I beg of everyone who knows me to quit reminding me about my biological misalignment and show this woman some respect. She's worked her ass off and is trying her best to make her way through this life with some shred of happiness. Thank you.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Need a ride to..... anywhere.

I’m slowly getting over a cold… argh! I was quite vigilant in my daily running but this has set me back a couple of days. I had a deviated septum repair last month so I think pushing myself so hard has aggravated the area and caused me to get sick! It stinks but I’ll deal. I am relieved that the halfway point is coming up for the semester and that more credits will be added to my graduation checklist. I have certainly been working hard as far as studies go! On a different topic I was online last night and got an email from Amtrak that stated I could get extra points if I made a reservation right away! I got to thinking and wished that I could just get a ticket to Chicago, Los Angeles (LA), San Francisco (San Fran), or New York. I used to live in Chicago and had been to LA and San Fran so that left New York.

Now you’re in New Yoooorrrkk. City where dreams are made of.. there’s nothing you can’t doooo! Now you’re in New York New York Neewww Yooorrrk!

The song by Alicia Keys came to mind immediately. I seriously need some downtime and a getaway for myself! One thing that presents serious consideration is how much money I have in the bank! I think at this point a trip to Albuquerque may be more realistic. I’ve always loved traveling from as far back as I can remember. My dad used to load us up and we’d take off for Tucson, Phoenix, or Albuquerque just because. We did go to Las Vegas (while I was 9 or 10) and Los Angeles (to visit relatives) but that was only once. These days Dad is just about seventy and mom is right behind him so traveling consists of going out to town (Gallup) and occasionally to Albuquerque.

The concept of embarking on a trip alone is a little intimidating but I’m old enough to know when to proceed with caution or what situations I need to stay out of. I am not drinking these days so the lifestyle that comes with that crowd would not be involved. I don’t drug or am not planning some bank heist either!

I admit that school is very important to me right now but I’ve wanted to go out of the country for a long time now. I would like to go to Japan, China, Spain, Italy, Greece, Egypt, the Gobi Desert, and England. My language skills certainly need some expanding and conceptualizing as customs come along with language. The one thing I find motivating me is the local cuisine of other countries. I never did like onions, bell peppers, and all those icky things that I used to pick off of a supreme pizza that someone ordered. Now I love them and almost feel like I want to experience new things… maybe there’s a connection with traveling??? At any rate don’t be surprised if you hear that I am anywhere but here sometime next year or the year after that. One can only wait!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

The sound of spring has waken me this morning. The birds are singing and the temperatures have been heating up steadily over the last week or so. I am almost done with the Spring 2010 session of school. I feel quite content with the way that aspect of my life is going. I will be attending the Summer session this year. I am taking two classes that sound very interesting and am wondering what I can squeeze in for the fall semester.

Let's see. I am 3x years old.. I mean young but I sure don't feel it. I have much on my young mind these days regarding when I should transfer. The school I go to has the classes I need at their main campus while I commute to a satellite center. I do not particularly want to live on the main campus. Been there done that. My other option is to move to the city and take the classes at a different college. The pros would be independence, proximity to school, and establishing a life away from home... sober this time.

I am somewhat shocked that I have won a scholarship. I had been looking at scholarships and grants trying to figure out how I will be able to make it through school. The business woman in me has been making a little money on the side but only enough to pay for the bare necessities.

It's tough!

I saw a bulletin the school had left in my email so I figured why not? I printed out an application and wrote an essay about my future plans and why I could use that scholarship. Pretty much a "no brainer." :)

I recently ran into the man who sent me to Iron Working Training two weeks ago at a local office. I passed a man in the hallway and he sure was staring. I was thinking "Are my boobs that noticeable???" I had a realization and was like, "Hiiii. Mr. X! I'm SO sorry I didn't recognize you."

Yeah. It was an awkward moment. He and I chatted for a minute and apparently the union is still reeling over the recession we had two years ago. I told him I was back in school and am loving it. We shook hands, said our goodbyes, he wished me luck, and parted ways then.

I know. I'm SO serious these days. I suppose encroaching accumulation of years and a need to finish all the things I have started are prompting me. Not being serious would reduce me to a clown... I do not want to be a clown. I think I've already acquired an Ph.D in that field anyway.

I have an appointment this week with two school officials who will grill and fry me.. maybe sautee. I will do my best to be the most congenial and impressionable lady for them!

So that's my State of the Flea Market for now. Happy Sundays people and take care.