I'm done with my summer session. I get 2 1/2 weeks off which I plan to spend doing minimal things!
I'm hoping that I have a degree by next summer... depends on how much I bust ass this fall and spring! It's a familiar yet old experience that I feel upon returning to the main campus this fall. I had attended this school way way way back... i'm not going to say when b/c I'm sensitive about my age these days >_< Anyhow I've changed... hopefully for the better. I did not take school seriously back then and dropped out with bad grades. Now I have good grades and have pretty much done a 180. I'm pleased with that and believe me when I say it wasn't easy! Just unbelievable amounts of reading, researching, writing, and studying. I was saying school is my full-time job and I stand by that saying! I've gone through some very traumatic things in the past and have been dealing the best way I can with those memories. Sometimes they render me powerless. Sometimes I'm okay. I'm just hoping that these memories don't interfere when I move to University and start a new experience with a different type of academic environment. I know for sure it'll be tough and people will look at this small-town girl and think I'm a Clampett :P This evening and some other evenings I miss the old days. I remember how I used to feel before all the events that changed my life happened to me. I was pretty much fearless. I didn't get scared. I wasn't so indecisive and worried about what other people thought about me. I almost feel like I'm lucky to count how many people I would consider friends on one hand. I feel alone. When I was out partying and hanging out I had guy friends who meant a lot to me over time. One guy in particular would stand up for me and helped me out once in a while. He's gone now due to violence. I sometimes will think of him and remember the time he showed up out of nowhere and saved me from an unsavory situation. I always feel such a tremendous amount of love for him and regret not being there when he was taken. I know it's not my fault but that what if... comes into my mind and I feel like if I had been in the area maybe he would have been with my friends and I instead of that place where he was taken. I can't even say the word k****d because it hurts to even think about it.
I don't know. I think of how my life was back then and how it is now. I just thank my lucky stars I made it out of there alive.
Kinda a venting blog. Rambling too. I just feel I need to do it sometimes. Anyhoo I'm out. I'm going to finish checking on my favorite sites and then finish watching a bit of a potty humor kind of movie to take my mind off things. Have a good night or day wherever you are. I miss you B!